Remaining a Mystery and Not Giving into the Flesh

I may be late to class just so I can write this blog but it hit me while I was taking a shower. I have noticed if I do not blog right then and there I may not have the passion to do it later.

At the beginning of the semester I eyed the prettiest brown skin brother in one of my upper level political science classes. I had never seen him before but figured he had pontential because he had made it this far in college. With my major, I never see black men, so I was so excited. About half way though the semester we exchanged numbers to study. He came over one night and we talked for a long time. The next night he invited me over. We had a lot of fun but one thing led to another and we started kissing. As things got heated, he proceeded to get up and get a condom. Side note: He was real lame for that because it took me out of any type of mood I was feeling. I froze because I knew I had to tell him I was a virigin.

Usually before fooling around with guys, I get to know them first. So there are no suprises to them about what I am doing or lack there of in the sex department. With this guy, there was something about him that made me just want to forget about my values for a second. Maybe it did not even have anything to do with him. Maybe I was stressed and was just looking for a good time. I know it sound pretty bad. But, whatever it was, I should not have given into the flesh. Why? Because my mystery as a woman is gone with him. He does not have to work for me. He has already had me. About a month later, I feel as if I am old news especially since we are not having sex. It does not matter if I try to explain to him a million times I am a good girl, he is not going to believe.

Well at least I figured out the same rule about not having sex with a guy to soon applies to fooling around with them. When you have sex in a relationship to soon without feelings, it will be nothing for the guy to walk away because there is nothing else invested in it. So as I continue dating, I know next time what not to do. I also have figured out that I am not the girl who likes the casual fool around thing. I prefer the actual dating process.