Not Enough Time

I am learning that I am a very confusing person. For the last four months I have been begging the current guy I talk to be in a relationship. However, after messing around with another guy for the last month I realized I just want to leave my options open and it is reflecting in the way I teach him.

This weekend the current guy I talk to came to visit on Friday night. We were both at the same club and when I saw him we hugged and went our separate ways. I sat down for most of the night. Even with that he said he was a little disappointment in some of my behavior. But, whatever...I am young in club and I am going to have fun.

So he comes over after the club and I stayed up with him until about 11. I got a few hours of sleep and got ready to go get my niece with my best friend. Before leaving he made the comment of when he comes to Houston am I going to be going to get a little girl randomly. That was the first red flag. I started to cuss him out for that but since I have given up cussing I told him yes. So, after a day of hanging out with my niece and watching my little cousins I was tired and ready to go to sleep. We got in a big argument and he was not happy I did not change my priorities for him. The argument continue on until Sunday and I was not budging on my stance of not stopping my life even though he was only in town for 72 hours and we live 250 miles away from each other.

After everything was said and done, I had to agree with him about not being the girl he should be in a relationship with. But, there is two sides to this. When I originally was willing to give it my all he was not trying to go there so, I had to switch my mindset to being able to accept the situation in order to have him in my life. Although he says with each day his feelings are getting stronger we are still not together and he is still partying. I believe he tells me this just to keep me hanging around a little longer. However, in staying around my attitude has changed greatly.

In less than three months I will be starting my last semester of college taking 21 hours. I understand now I do not want the pressure and stress of being in a relationship. In the past I have sacrificed grades and a lot of myself for the stake of my significant other and I will not do that. If I want to hang out everyday with my friends, stay out every night and party, and study during the day with no time to text or call a guy that is what I will do. I do not have the time nor patience for anything serious right now. I am finally figuring out that I just want to casually date.