Old News

I have not posted in a while but I had a busy weekend/week visiting my family back in my home town. That was the first time I had been so busy when I went back home. I did not even have a chance to see the main guy I talk to.

Friday night I had the opportunity to see a guy from my past name Chris. We recently reconnected after about 5 years. When my cousin first gave me his phone, I was so excited. I felt like I was in high school all over again. I started reflecting on how great our short fling was when we talked back in high school.

Before Chris pulled up next to me in his car, I knew the roles had been switched on how we felt about each other from the conversations we had been having over the last three weeks. He was overly excited to see me and wanted to do nothing but talk to me all night long. However, the topics we discussed on the phone were boring to me and he was unable to hold my interest. I think part of it was because I have continued my education while he has just continued to kick it in the hood. Therefore, he could not talk about my major with me nor could we exchange crazy stories about our college experiences or future career plans after graduation.

I tried to be open-minded about seeing him. I really wanted to be emotional attached to him again. But, the feelings were gone. He was still the same guy but I had changed. The same things I loved before about him, now irritated me. He was to silly and arrogant. Plus, I could not get over the way he treated me in high school. He decided to date another girl because I was a virgin and my parents were sick.

It was nice seeing him again so I could move on and stop comparing and wishing every guy I talk to now was him. I am in a different stage on my life right now and Chris is just old news. As I grow, I am figuring out that my interest will change in a lot of things including my the characteristics I want my potential love interests to have.

Remaining a Mystery and Not Giving into the Flesh

I may be late to class just so I can write this blog but it hit me while I was taking a shower. I have noticed if I do not blog right then and there I may not have the passion to do it later.

At the beginning of the semester I eyed the prettiest brown skin brother in one of my upper level political science classes. I had never seen him before but figured he had pontential because he had made it this far in college. With my major, I never see black men, so I was so excited. About half way though the semester we exchanged numbers to study. He came over one night and we talked for a long time. The next night he invited me over. We had a lot of fun but one thing led to another and we started kissing. As things got heated, he proceeded to get up and get a condom. Side note: He was real lame for that because it took me out of any type of mood I was feeling. I froze because I knew I had to tell him I was a virigin.

Usually before fooling around with guys, I get to know them first. So there are no suprises to them about what I am doing or lack there of in the sex department. With this guy, there was something about him that made me just want to forget about my values for a second. Maybe it did not even have anything to do with him. Maybe I was stressed and was just looking for a good time. I know it sound pretty bad. But, whatever it was, I should not have given into the flesh. Why? Because my mystery as a woman is gone with him. He does not have to work for me. He has already had me. About a month later, I feel as if I am old news especially since we are not having sex. It does not matter if I try to explain to him a million times I am a good girl, he is not going to believe.

Well at least I figured out the same rule about not having sex with a guy to soon applies to fooling around with them. When you have sex in a relationship to soon without feelings, it will be nothing for the guy to walk away because there is nothing else invested in it. So as I continue dating, I know next time what not to do. I also have figured out that I am not the girl who likes the casual fool around thing. I prefer the actual dating process.

Making Time for Your Health

Before I entered college I was a beautiful size 9. I liked my size but I thought I would lose 10 pounds because there was a gym right across the street from my dorm. But, 4 years later I am just getting back to my size 9.

After gaining almost 20 pounds in college, this Januray I decided I had had enough. My new years resolution was to work out 6 days a week until I reached the size I wanted to be. I did not change my eating habits but I upped my workout time to at least 1 hour and 30 minutes a day.

Four months later people are starting to comment on my weight lost saying I am disappearing but they did not know me when I first entered college. A lot of people are asking me what is my secret and I tell them not making any excuses. For three years I did not workout because I did not want to mess up my hair or I did not want to go to the gym by myself. I would say I was to busy with school work, taking a nap, or hanging out with my friends.

Before I got serious about my weight lost, I would make up anything to not face reality about my new body. At first, I lied to myself about my weight. I would pretend I was the same size. After I could not wear my jeans anymore, I would only wear sweat pants. I stop taking pictures because I looked so big in them. But, I would reason with myself by saying I was not really that big, the camera just added a few pounds. At my biggest point, I stopped looking in the mirror and said at least I have a pretty face and guys like thick chicks.

The turning point in my life was after I joined a hair website called hairlista to regrow my hair. I was like it I can spend all this time on my hair I need to spend some time on my body. Long hair does not improve one's health at all and it does not buy anyone time on earth.

Ladies and gents we must make time for ourselves overall. It really bothers me how much money African American women will invest in beauty and hair products but not spend anytime focusing on their body. We can attend church two to three times a week for at least 10 hours in total but will not go to the gym to save our lives. I happy I am figuring out how to balance school, my hair, and my health...kinda.

Not Enough Time

I am learning that I am a very confusing person. For the last four months I have been begging the current guy I talk to be in a relationship. However, after messing around with another guy for the last month I realized I just want to leave my options open and it is reflecting in the way I teach him.

This weekend the current guy I talk to came to visit on Friday night. We were both at the same club and when I saw him we hugged and went our separate ways. I sat down for most of the night. Even with that he said he was a little disappointment in some of my behavior. But, whatever...I am young in club and I am going to have fun.

So he comes over after the club and I stayed up with him until about 11. I got a few hours of sleep and got ready to go get my niece with my best friend. Before leaving he made the comment of when he comes to Houston am I going to be going to get a little girl randomly. That was the first red flag. I started to cuss him out for that but since I have given up cussing I told him yes. So, after a day of hanging out with my niece and watching my little cousins I was tired and ready to go to sleep. We got in a big argument and he was not happy I did not change my priorities for him. The argument continue on until Sunday and I was not budging on my stance of not stopping my life even though he was only in town for 72 hours and we live 250 miles away from each other.

After everything was said and done, I had to agree with him about not being the girl he should be in a relationship with. But, there is two sides to this. When I originally was willing to give it my all he was not trying to go there so, I had to switch my mindset to being able to accept the situation in order to have him in my life. Although he says with each day his feelings are getting stronger we are still not together and he is still partying. I believe he tells me this just to keep me hanging around a little longer. However, in staying around my attitude has changed greatly.

In less than three months I will be starting my last semester of college taking 21 hours. I understand now I do not want the pressure and stress of being in a relationship. In the past I have sacrificed grades and a lot of myself for the stake of my significant other and I will not do that. If I want to hang out everyday with my friends, stay out every night and party, and study during the day with no time to text or call a guy that is what I will do. I do not have the time nor patience for anything serious right now. I am finally figuring out that I just want to casually date.

Dating White Men while learning from white women

Like many black women, I had a issue with black men dating outside of their race. I could not understand why and I hated it. As I have gotten older and matured some what, my view has changed greatly on this issue. I do not have a problem with brothers who decide to date outside of their race but I have a issue with the ones who do it and put black women down in the process. But that is a whole other topic for a different post.

Two weeks ago I went to a party hosted by Vivica Fox at a very nice club in Houston. Mostly everyone in the club was black. Two beautiful white women walked in the club and almost head in the crowd turned to look at them as they entered. Within minutes I would say about 10 brothers had approached them trying to be the lucky fellow to gain the opportunity to get to know them. Many of the black women in the club began to whisper and give angry stares. As a black women I knew immediately what they were thinking. But, at that very moment I had a epiphany. If sisters want to date outside their race it is necessary for us to go places and be the ones to stand out.

The following week I went out on a date with a guy to a new happening street named Washington in Houston. There are a variety of clubs and bars on this street and it is great because you can bar hop without paying a cover charge. The bar I went to was mostly white with the exceptions of a few black men. Walking through the door I felt like the white girls from the week before. Everyone was looking I believe because we were black on top of the fact my date was 6 foot 5. I did not pay it any mind until my date turn to get me a date and several white men started trying to start a conversation. These white men had confirmed my epiphany.

As a young single black women, I am aware of the stats out on my changes of getting married. Therefore, I am doing what I can to compete. Instead of hating on the white women who are dating black men. We could actually learn from them. Be aggressive and step out of your comfort zone. Go where you are the only one and heads are sure to turn. We are beautiful women with a lot to offer any man of any race. Dating is hard when the options are slim and the competition is thick but I am figuring out how to use it to my advantage kinda.

Not Quite as Good as the Last

The guy I am currently talking to has begged me not to write about this. He also threaten to find my blog so he can keep tabs on what I am writing about. I really do not want him to follow me because I feel like what I am discussing is personal. I know that statement is crazy but there will be times where I will talk about him or other guys and I do not want him in my business.

As you probably guessed, this post was inspired by the current guy I am talking to. We were talking about different sexual experiences people have had in their past. This led me to ask him what makes a girl the best. He said it depends on a lot of factors including if he really cares about the girl, how sexually active she has been (her experience), and if he knows she is sacrificing some of her morals to please him. Sure enough all of the variables he listed are important but unlike him I feel the final deciding factor is whether or not a girl is capable of making him climax and how great it was.

My way of thinking verses his, has led me not to want to do anything sexually with him. He has a lot more experience than me. I am still a virgin and although he started later than most guys, he still has a wrap sheet. Knowing this, I find myself to insecure to even try to do anything with him. My best friend hates to hear this excuse from girls because she said there is no such thing as being bad. But I do know a girl for whatever can lack what it takes to be better than the last.

How would you feel if your boyfriend admitted you were not as good as girls from his past? Would it make it better if he rated you high up there but just not at the top. I would be hurt. I guess depending on the situation he may be willing to teach you. This is definitely an issue I am still figuring out how to and how I would handle.

An Emotional Movie Night with the Ex

After about a month of blowing my ex off, I decided it was time to hang out with him again. When we were together things were good but since we broke up I do not have a desire to be around him.

We went to see Why Did I Get Married 2 and it was okay but the excitement was gone because I had already seen it. I felt bad because I kept checking my phone. Half way though the movie he made a comment that it must be boring watching the same movie twice. It was not that, I just had a headache and really did not want to be there.

After watching the movie and sitting in silence for most of the ride, almost started crying. I miss my ex. He was a great friend to me. Right now with the little drama I am having in my life, I would love to be able to go to his apartment and wait for things to calm down. But, not being able to do that is making me a stronger women.

When we got ready to pull up to the school he asked me one last time why we were not together. I simply told him I can not do it right. I came to college with a boyfriend and if we had not broke up in September of 2009, I would have left with one. At the time I enjoyed having a boyfriend and I would not have it any other way. But, it was time for me to stand on my own to feet. I needed to figure out things on my own. I needed to experience college. I needed to make my own friends.

Being single has not been easy. I let go of one of the closest people to me.

Accepting the truth

Many of my posts will be inspired by my friends but based on my experiences.

During my freshman year of high school, I started dating a senior. He was so popular and very cute. We decided to keep our relationship a secret because he had convinced me I did not want people in my business.

After a couple of months of "courting" which included no contact in school, I was talking to his best friend one day and he told me I needed to let it go. I was confused and tried to question him about his random statement with no success. It was not until my senior year in high school that I understood the importance of what have occurred between my boyfriend's at the time best friend and me. He had broke the secret code between friends to give me the truth. Unfortunately, I did not want to accept it or maybe I was to immature at the time to comprehend.

Looking back on the situation, it was obvious before I was given advice from the best friend that my boyfriend was not interested. He was simply doing and telling me enough to keep me hanging around. Later on in the school year, I learned he had another girlfriend at a different school. One who all his friends knew and was constantly being introduced to his family. And...she was a senior in high school as well.

When the calls are always late at night or become less and less to the point there is only texting, that is apart of the truth. When the routine that was normally followed changes, that is apart of the truth. When a break is decided on for whatever reason given, that is apart of the truth.

In life we are given clues about the one we are dating from the people closest to them. Whether it is the best friend or the mom saying I know my best friend or son. I figured it out in this situation a few years later...kinda. I hope from this experience I can accept the truth in the next.

Welcome

Welcome to my blog. My name is Tiffany and I am a 21 year old senior in college.

The world of blogging and you tube are all new to me. It was not until this past December after spending a week with my friend during finals that I learned the magnitude of youtube. Afterwords,I became obsessed. To the point I was spent countless hours looking at videos on various topics from working out to applying eye makeup. Then, one day during Christmas break, after playing on the internet, I discovered blogger.com. I knew immediately that I wanted to start blogging. However, I did not know what I wanted to focus on. But, after a recent debate of trying to convince my friend that I had a blog, I decided today was the day to start writing.

After spending three years of my life in a relationship and seven recent months being single, I am redefining myself. I am forming new friendships and building stronger foundations of old ones. I am furthering my knowledge about hair, makeup, and fashion. As my time in college ends, I can not help but wonder what is next. Am I ready? Have I lived in the moment? Am I making every second count?

Follow me as I try to make all of the former questions yes. I hope by December I can say I have figured it out...well kinda.